girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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