i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
