i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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