Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
