I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
