You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
