genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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