its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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