I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
