batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
