Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
