I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
