A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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