I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
