im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize