i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
