i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
