I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
