Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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