my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
