Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
