Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
