Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
