rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
third nipple confirmed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
