How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
