I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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