I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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