how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
