I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
