sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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