You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
