Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dignity is for republicans.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
