haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize