This is not my ceiling
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
