you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
