Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
