and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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