So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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