We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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