what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
