I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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