Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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