Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
