Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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