Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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