Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
