O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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