A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
