Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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