My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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