Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
