No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
