He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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