I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
