I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
