we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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