Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My ass is underappreciated
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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