Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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