im drinking this country out of the recession.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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