That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
