Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
