P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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