I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
