Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
