You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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