theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
