..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
