i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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