he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
