I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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