im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
