You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
