His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
