Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
