NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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