It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
