imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
