Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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