In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
