I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
