i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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