last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
