I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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