Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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