Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
