if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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