my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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