Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
