when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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