She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
