Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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