Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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