We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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