why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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