Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
