At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
